The Story of Me Watching Some TV After Dinner, by John
"Hit Me, Baby, One More Time" (fuck I hated that fucking song, too, I wish they'd called this show something else) is a TV show where they bring one-hit wonders out and have 'em perform their hits & then, in the second round, have 'em cover a modern pop song. "One-hit wonder" isn't really the case; last night they had the Motels, the Knack, Haddaway, Tommy Tutone, and Vanilla Ice. In between performances there're where-are-they-now interviews with the bands 'n' stuff. So, Haddaway does "What is Love" and it's like the most beautiful thing ever of course. Tutone does "Jenny (867-5309)" and puts a pretty surprising about of venom into it and I'm like "holy fuck." I missed "My Sharona." The Motels do "Only the Lonely" and the fact that the song was more about production than content is clear. And of course Vanilla Ice does "Ice Ice Baby," and it's horrible - he's bellowing nu-metal style the whole time, all the charm is surgically drained from the song - but because 1) his DJ is in fact revolvin' it and 2) he does the dance moves, there's still a greatness to it.
Then our host gets really excited (English dude, Liverpudlian maybe) about the round with the "Cover versions!" More interspersed where-are-they-now clips; I think Tutone's about three steps down the chain at some veal-fattening computerland in Portland, which might explain the intensity of his performances. Or maybe he just rules, I dunno. But either way: Haddaway does "Toxic" (THAT'S RIGHT, PEOPLE: THE GUY WHO SANG "WHAT IS LOVE" SANG "TOXIC" AND I SAW IT, OH MY GOD I RULE), the Knack do that Jet song which was a poor choice 'cause the Knack are pretty great but that song is unsalvageable, Vanilla Ice does "Survivor" with (I think) some lyrics of his own - kinda OK for the aggroness but seriously dude's rapping is now all about auditioning for Slipknot: YELL YELL YELL I AM GONNA YELL AT YOU (no disrespect to Slipknot obviously), the Motels do some Norah Jones song and really reinterpreted it, points for creativity but the thing is this: Tommy Tutone covered Blink-182's "Carry Me Home" or whatever it's called and holy. fucking. SHIT did he tear it two new assholes. Incredible, incredible energy, intensity, Springsteen-in-'79-level passion for three minutes on TV. I was in shock. I've always thought that song had a nice melody but couldn't have imagined it as this giant nova burst of redemptive energy.
Naturally Vanilla Ice won, and so he did "Ice Ice Baby" again and this time he didn't scream the whole time but it still sucked. This show rules. The end.
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