There is, however, one number we have done a little research on. That number is "three," and it speaks directly to something very basically wrong with the Podcast industry standard. "Three" here refers to the number of minutes many Podcasters will talk, unscripted and lacking any notable ad-lib skills, at the top of their show. It makes the most bong-addled college DJ hosting a weekly show of three-hour Phish soundboards sound like Christopher Lee reading Basho. Three. Three minutes of talking about shoes, or "computers," usually. This number may actually be "four," or even "five" or "ten." No-one knows. Know why? BECAUSE AT THE THREE-MINUTE MARK, NOBODY WHO DOESN'T ALREADY KNOW YOU HAS ALREADY APPLE-DELETED YOUR FILE INTO THE FUCKING GARBAGE.

Not for nothing did LPTJ switch over to a shorter-entry format. We're at an historical moment where we could all do well to read more tanka and less epic. If the epics were heroic, it'd be one thing. When they involve badly improvised sub-Seinfeld observational humor on the effectiveness of cold medicine, though, it's quite another. Be quiet. Play music. It'll be all right.

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Last Plane to Jakarta