May 2008 Archives

May 1, 2008

You Need to Get Right

Real talk from Mad Mike:

"Model 500 was supposed to jump off way prior to this, but the problem was all our equipment that we had in the studio that we practiced with, this is what they gotta rent on the other side for you to play with. We couldn't afford to pull the shit out of our studio. Fuck that. If your shit gets tore up, you're hit, you're out of business. We needed like doubles of whatever we had in our studio, and Korg came through after many other companies were asked. Roland was one of them. Yamaha was another. The only ones that came through was Korg and Akai. For people to have programs on their machines that say 'Detroit Techno' in the fucking machine and then for the guy to approach and say 'Can I get sponsored for a little bit of gear?' and they are like 'We don't know who you are', that really set us back. Okay, maybe we didn't approach the right way with the official air about us, but I just think that Korg and Akai deserve a tip of the hat for coming through. The concert wouldn't be possible without the gear contribution. We can't afford to buy doubles of shit."

You need to get right, Roland and Yamaha. You need to get right. Juan Atkins is in this band. Without guys like Juan Atkins figuring out how to work your machines and making great sounds with them, they'd be useless crates. You don't actually think people made tracks like this just by reading your impenetrable manuals, right? If Lucien Freud was using a Sharpie, you can bet money those dudes'd have couriers running pens to his door morning, noon, and night. Do I deserve free gear from you? Hell no. I can just barely work an egg timer. Does every bedroom musician who wants free gear deserve a handout? No. Ain't sayin' that. Does Juan Atkins? Yes he fucking does. You need to get right.

May 8, 2008

Hot Spots

I don't love the new Dionne Warwick as much as I wish I did - when you feel as strongly about an artist as I do about Ms. Warwick, you harbor unextinguishable hopes that she's going to just emerge from nowhere one day with a record so triumphant that all lesser singers are instantly compelled by their consciences to hang their heads in shame. I imagine them taking the stage night after night, their necks evidently gone permanently limp, their eyes firmly fixed on their shoes, still belting out their limp drama-class read-throughs but unable to face the audience, knowing that some therein will have heard the unbelievable new Dionne album, and knowing that these same people therefore now know what good singing really sounds like.

But the new Dionne album is not that album. It's a gospel record - I got pretty excited about that - but I am honestly dumbfounded by the song selection. "Jesus Loves Me"? "Rise, Shine, and Give God the Glory"? "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"? I have great love for tradition in music, but I don't think anybody can redeem "Jesus Loves Me."

So all that's true. I can't deny it. I suspect there are some deep spiritual truths that inform Dionne's having made this album, and I yearn to hear what they are, but I can't find them in many of the songs. But then there's "I'm Going Up," which is a duet with BeBe Winans. Suddenly - from the song's second bar, when Dionne makes her entrance - the physical nature of faith is audible: how, if you ever get even a taste of it, you feel it in your bones. And in your extremities, and in your senses, and in your reflexes. Religious music that doesn't convey this aspect of faith isn't necessarily a failure; I'm not about to condemn Gregorian chant for not being ecstatic enough. But when religious expression meets the three-minute pop song, I want it to tell me how what it has brought to the pop table is not only higher than the usual fare, but better.

Which is exactly what "I'm Going Up" is - a gorgeously syncopated bounce with a mixed-back horn section, a restrained slightly fuzzy electric guitar dipping in and ducking out, and a letter-perfect Warwick vocal that simply must be heard by people who love her style. Second run through the chorus, the way she pulls away from the tail-end of the phrase "in this world I've found"? That's classic Dionne. Her joining BeBe in harmony at the end of his verse? Best duet work I think I've ever heard her do; I have one whole hell of a lot of Dionne Warwick albums, but I've never thought of duet harmony as a particular strength, and I think the corpus generally supports that opinion. Even her ad-libs - another not-the-strong-suit area - are fantastic here. What happened in the the studio on this track? Was anybody filming it? And can we have, please, lots more?

May 25, 2008

Let's Twist Again

INTERLOCUTOR: Holy balls, what stinks in here?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: I mean that is just an incredible smell, I think I'm going to fall over.
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INTERLOCUTOR: You're really kind of into it though, I can tell. How's your health?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: Your gum smells like sweet honeydew and cola. What flavor is it?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: Shut your mouth! What has inspired this rad dreamlike two-strings-in-harmony guitar solo in the song "The Sadist King and the Generalissimo of Pain"?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: My grandmother has asked for an excellent new death metal album for her birthday. I tried to explain to her that my friends and I only really like black metal, because it's totally funny but also sometimes it reminds me of My Bloody Valentine, who are just so awesome. She hit me when I said that! With a hammer, in my face! What should I buy my grandmother to prevent her from harming my wine-tasting black metal ass any further?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: You know, I have way more extreme stuff that this in my collection. I don't see what the big deal is. When, after making comments like this, the police find me in a ditch somewhere, dressed in a Jessica Rabbit costume which was visibly forced onto my body while I was unconscious, what will they conclude was the cause of my humiliation?
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INTERLOCUTOR: The last minute and a half of the song "Killing for Company" remind me of what summer vacation might have been like if the whole family had just really let their baser natures get the better of them. Primal id stuff in a blue Chevy 4-door. Can you dig it? And if you can, would you kindly express your agreement in the form of a two-word band name beginning with "Prostitute" and ending with "Disfigurement"?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR:In the song "Sworn to Degeneracy," the singer from what band appears at one point to be saying "sue my desperate lawyers"?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: What?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Who?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Where?
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INTERLOCUTOR: When, if time were senseless violence?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Please, allow me to represent a caricature of a common critical stance for a moment. I don't like this music! It's not experimental enough! It isn't pushing the envelope! It isn't taking metal to new places! It's just making a big fucking bloody mess! What band is this?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: May I continue? It gives me pleasure. For me, metal is best when it's a little cerebral. Some of these bands just seem like the exact same kind of guys who just rear up and clock you if you look at them wrong at the Pig Destroyer show. I hate those guys! Still, I dream about them sometimes. In my dream, what is the name of the coffee shop at whose marble tables we settle our differences over a relaxing game of Othello?
LAST PLANE TO JAKARTA: PROSTITUTE DISFIGUREMENT
INTERLOCUTOR: You have seen into the hidden mists of my unconscious! Got any music recommendations for me?