OK, people, this is yr uncharacteristic non-music-even-havin'-anything-to-do-with post, but desperate times/desperate measures, etc. Seems Stacie Ponder, one of my favorite writers online (I refuse to say "favorite bloggers") who's also a regular at the AMC blog, got the notion to have a "who's the best final girl?" poll. It's a good question - the Final Girl as an archetype is loaded with all kinds of sociocultural baggage which, in most contexts, can only be discussed in the driest of terms. When horror movies are the springboard, though, the unpacking's actually fun to do; the political content of most horror movies gets to take a backseat to what they tell us about political context, and the basic text gets put through more passes than the Kirov at Christmastime. That's critical reading at its best.

Anyhow, all that's not either here nor there, I hope everybody reads Stacie Ponder 'cause she is the raddest, etc. The point is that Sally Hardesty is not winning the 'favorite final girl' poll. This is unacceptable. I know that saying this probably dooms my chances with Jamie Lee Curtis forever, which completely bums me out because I have been in love with her since I was eleven and not even my decade-long happy marriage has been able to quell the fire that burns in my heart for JLC. (And not just the young JLC, either, you buncha creepy youth-cult people who should go live in Logan's Run World where you belong: she is as hot now as she was thirty years ago, possibly hotter.) But I am a lover of truth and justice, and Sally Hardesty is the permanent queen of all final girls. The sound of her victory, the crazed sound of her survival as the truck that carries her speeds down the Texas highway - the look on her face. If you can't see that Sally Hardesty is every doomed person who ever lived to fight another day, then you aren't looking hard enough, although Tobe Hooper is kind enough to make sure you have nowhere else to look.

You people need to go vote for Sally Hardesty right now. This entry is not here to spark discussion as to why you wanna vote for Ripley, or for rehashing any sub-poisoned-Halloween-candy level urban legends about Jamie Lee. This post is here to make sure you all do your civic duty. The text next to her radio button is a little messed up, but it shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Don't just sit there. Get right with God. Vote Sally.

It's the right thing to do.