dear power metal bands
it's important to use real pianos

I really can't stress this enough
we play a low-stakes game

a trillion years ago power metal might have meant
a paycheck

now it's craft for the love of craft
which means that if you're going to do it

you have to be willing to bleed for it
or else why bother

those of us who respond to what you do
with hearts still keen to feel wonder in this world

are offended by these digital pianos
seriously

get a studio with a big honkin' grand
and unleash your inner Liszts

put a candle on the damn thing
and let the wax drip

do the damn thing
do the damn thing all night

but of this patchy depthless grand-piano-setting style
let us hear no more

and meanwhile
tell your vocalists who think we don't notice little autotune fixes

that I will have words for them
in Hell