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Author Topic: CHICKENS IN A BOOK: BOOK BOOK BGAWK (new book thread)  (Read 28957 times)
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dumbfish
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Posts: 3869


« Reply #500 on: Apr 15, 2011, 09:48:20 AM »

As I recall, Dick's read wouldn't be foreign but very nearly perfectly matched to that in the author's mind. Of all of us, Swimmy might be the only one who could do it better.
Swimmy's from what, Middle Tenn.?  Definitely would be better-matched.

As David Cross says, there are many regional accents, but Redneck is spoken nationwide.
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YojimboMonkey
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Posts: 12034


« Reply #501 on: Apr 15, 2011, 09:56:50 AM »

You know Greg, if you just search for the exact quoted phrase "magical torture dildo" on google, there are 3 sites on the whole of the interwebs containing that exact juxtaposition of words.  This site, another site where sassy mcassface quoted a goodkind conversation from here, and 1 completely unrelated site but I like to think that guy must have been inspired by us.  So adding the author name to the search, correctly or incorrectly, was completely unnecessary

"Dildomancer" on the other hand brings a disturbing number of search results.
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Greg Nog
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Posts: 21629


« Reply #502 on: Apr 15, 2011, 10:07:01 AM »

I didn't add the name, actually!  I did the exact same google search -- just the three words.  And to be honest, I was a little stunned that there were only three sites that used the phrase.  I kinda thought I'd stumble upon a whole webring.
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coldforge
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Posts: 11924


« Reply #503 on: Apr 15, 2011, 10:36:54 AM »

I hadn't actually been making a mental distinction, either. Every time you mentioned Game of Thrones i was mildly surprised that such a weird pervy story was getting such big money treatment. But I guess there's a magical torture dildo show, too?
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YojimboMonkey
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Posts: 12034


« Reply #504 on: Apr 15, 2011, 10:44:15 AM »

The magical torture dildo in action:


dual-wielded magical torture dildos:
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davy
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Posts: 24822


« Reply #505 on: Apr 15, 2011, 10:49:32 AM »

(It's a really bad show, but for a low-budget sort of thing it's pretty to look at and silly enough to be enjoyable if you're in the right mood.)
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Thermofusion
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Posts: 10000


« Reply #506 on: Apr 15, 2011, 12:47:32 PM »

Are the magical torture dildos so named for their appearance, or are they actually used as such?
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elpollodiablo
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Posts: 32624


« Reply #507 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:05:32 PM »

I guess I'd also like to know more about the magical torture dildos
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think 'on the road.'
auto-da-fey
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Posts: 9495


« Reply #508 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:16:15 PM »

this is where I invoke Jess Franco's A Virgin Among the Living Dead, but alas, the best pic I could find is emphatically not work safe.

though this dildo was less a physical than a mental torture device.
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YojimboMonkey
Registered user

Posts: 12034


« Reply #509 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:22:17 PM »

The magical torture dildos are called Agiels.  I just googled and found a PDF of the first book and I will quote for you some choice passages.

I do not advise reading them, but perhaps they will give you an idea why I started calling them magical torture dildos, especially the last one


Quote
She dropped his head, and leaned her full weight on her boot, holding her hand out in front of his face.
He could see that the back of her gloved hand was armored, even the fingers. A blood red leather rod,
about a foot long, hung loosely from her wrist by an elegant gold chain. It swung back and forth in front
of his eyes. "This is the Agiel. This is part of what I will use to train you." She gave him a smooth smile,
arching an eyebrow. "Curious? Want to see how it works?"

Denna pressed the Agiel against his side. The shock of the pain made him cry out, even though he had
had no intention of giving her the satisfaction of seeing how much it hurt. Every muscle in his body locked
rigid with the agony of the thing against his side. His mind was filled with the want of having it off him.
Denna pushed the Slightest bit harder, making him scream louder. He heard a pop, and felt a rib crack.
She took the Agiel away; warm blood oozed down his side. Richard was covered in sweat as he lay in
the dirt, panting, tears running from his eyes. He felt as if the pain were pulling every muscle in his body
apart. There was dirt in his mouth, and blood.

Denna gave him a cruel sneer. "Now, my pet, say `Thank you, Mistress Denna, for teaching me.' " Her
face came closer. "Say it."

With all his mental strength, Richard focused his hunger to kill her, and envisioned the sword exploding
through her head. "Die, bitch."

Quote
Denna took his face in both her hands and kissed him, hard. Hard enough to make his cut lip throb and
sting. She seemed to enjoy the kiss more when she was sure it hurt him. She took her face from his, her
eyes wide with delight. "Shall we begin, my pet?" she whispered.

"Please, Mistress Denna," he whispered, "don't do this."

Her smile widened. "That's what I wanted to hear."

Denna began showing him what the Agiel would do, how if she dragged it lightly across his flesh, it
raised fluid-filled welts, and how if she pressed a little harder, they filled with blood. When she bore
down, he could feel warm wetness on his sweaty, skin. She could also make the exact same pain without
leaving a mark. His teeth hurt from gritting them so hard. Sometimes she would stand- behind him,
waiting until he was off guard before she touched it to him. When she tired of that she made him close his
eyes and keep them closed while she walked around him, pressing it against him or dragging it around his
chest.

Quote
"Now, my pet, I'm going to show you something new. I'm going to show you how kind a mistress I
really am." She pulled his head back, hard, until the pain made him tense the muscles in his neck to resist
the pressure. She put the Agiel against his throat. "Stop fighting me, or I won't take it away."

Blood was running into his mouth; he relaxed his neck muscles, allowing her to pull as hard as she
wanted.

"Now, my pet, listen very carefully. I'm going to put the Agiel in your right ear." Richard almost choked
with fear. She jerked his head back to make him stop it. "It's different from putting it anywhere else. It
hurts a lot more. But you must do exactly as I say." Her mouth was right by his ear; she whispered to him
like a lover. "In the past, when I have had a sister Mord-Sith with me, we would both put our Agiel in the
man's ears at the same time. He would make a scream unlike any other. The sound of it is intoxicating. I
get chills just thinking about it."

Quote
Denna seemed to be in the grip of something he didn't understand, as if she were trying to summon the
courage to do something, fearing it, yet anxiously wanting it. Her breathing was quickening, her chest
heaving, as she looked into his eyes. Incredulous, he saw something the ugliness of her cruelty had never
let him see before: she was attractive. Breathtakingly, stunningly, attractive. He thought he must be losing
his mind.

Shocked, and strangely worried, Richard watched as she slowly put the Agiel between her teeth. He
could tell by the way her pupils suddenly expanded that it was hurting her. Her skin paled. She inhaled
sharply, trembling the slightest bit. Denna put her fingers into the back of his hair and held his head.
Slowly she brought her lips to his. She kissed him deeply, passionately, sharing the shattering pain of the
Agiel with him. With her tongue, she held it between their tips. Her kiss was savage, bestial, as she
twisted against him.

Every fiber of his being burned with the torture. His gasp sucked the air from her lungs, hers did the
same to him. -He could get no breath but hers, she none but his. The pain made him forget everything but
her. It marauded through his mind. He knew by the sounds she was making that she was feeling the same
agony as he. Her fingers in his hair tightened into fists from the pain. She moaned in suffering. Her
muscles tightened with it. It raged through the both of them.

Without comprehending why, he found himself kissing her back just as passionately, just as savagely.
The pain was altering his perception of everything. He had never kissed anyone with this kind of lust.
Desperately, he wanted her to stop. Desperately, he didn't.

Quote
The frown and the smile returned. "Why would you be so foolish as to do what you did? Surely, you
must know I will hurt you for doing it."

He looked at her puzzlement for a moment. "Mistress Denna, what difference does it make? You are
going to hurt me anyway. I can't imagine what more you could do to me."

Her lip curled in a sneer. "Oh, my love, you have a very limited imagination."

He felt her grab the tongue of his belt and yank the buckle open.

She gritted her teeth. "It is time we found some new places on you to hurt. It is time to see what you are really made of." The look in her eyes made him go cold. "Thank you, my love, for giving me the excuse to
do this to you. I have never before done it to another, but it has been done to me enough times. It is what
broke me when I was fourteen. Tonight," she whispered, "neither of us is going to get any sleep."
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Dick
Registered user

Posts: 619


« Reply #510 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:31:38 PM »

Welp.
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Thermofusion
Registered user

Posts: 10000


« Reply #511 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:51:56 PM »

Quote
In the past, when I have had a sister Mord-Sith with me, we would both put our Agiel in the man's ears at the same time

Ouch!
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fishjim
Registered user

Posts: 1982


« Reply #512 on: Apr 15, 2011, 01:57:57 PM »

Haven't read the excerpts yet. I keep shutting my eyes when they scroll past.
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davy
Registered user

Posts: 24822


« Reply #513 on: Apr 15, 2011, 02:24:43 PM »

Dooooooo it

You'll be all  Shocked
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milly balgeary
Registered user

Posts: 11512


« Reply #514 on: Apr 15, 2011, 08:24:34 PM »

The magical torture dildos are called Agiels.  I just googled and found a PDF of the first book and I will quote for you some choice passages.

I do not advise reading them, but perhaps they will give you an idea why I started calling them magical torture dildos, especially the last one


Quote
She dropped his head, and leaned her full weight on her boot, holding her hand out in front of his face.
He could see that the back of her gloved hand was armored, even the fingers. A blood red leather rod,
about a foot long, hung loosely from her wrist by an elegant gold chain. It swung back and forth in front
of his eyes. "This is the Agiel. This is part of what I will use to train you." She gave him a smooth smile,
arching an eyebrow. "Curious? Want to see how it works?"

Denna pressed the Agiel against his side. The shock of the pain made him cry out, even though he had
had no intention of giving her the satisfaction of seeing how much it hurt. Every muscle in his body locked
rigid with the agony of the thing against his side. His mind was filled with the want of having it off him.
Denna pushed the Slightest bit harder, making him scream louder. He heard a pop, and felt a rib crack.
She took the Agiel away; warm blood oozed down his side. Richard was covered in sweat as he lay in
the dirt, panting, tears running from his eyes. He felt as if the pain were pulling every muscle in his body
apart. There was dirt in his mouth, and blood.

Denna gave him a cruel sneer. "Now, my pet, say `Thank you, Mistress Denna, for teaching me.' " Her
face came closer. "Say it."

With all his mental strength, Richard focused his hunger to kill her, and envisioned the sword exploding
through her head. "Die, bitch."

Quote
Denna took his face in both her hands and kissed him, hard. Hard enough to make his cut lip throb and
sting. She seemed to enjoy the kiss more when she was sure it hurt him. She took her face from his, her
eyes wide with delight. "Shall we begin, my pet?" she whispered.

"Please, Mistress Denna," he whispered, "don't do this."

Her smile widened. "That's what I wanted to hear."

Denna began showing him what the Agiel would do, how if she dragged it lightly across his flesh, it
raised fluid-filled welts, and how if she pressed a little harder, they filled with blood. When she bore
down, he could feel warm wetness on his sweaty, skin. She could also make the exact same pain without
leaving a mark. His teeth hurt from gritting them so hard. Sometimes she would stand- behind him,
waiting until he was off guard before she touched it to him. When she tired of that she made him close his
eyes and keep them closed while she walked around him, pressing it against him or dragging it around his
chest.

Quote
"Now, my pet, I'm going to show you something new. I'm going to show you how kind a mistress I
really am." She pulled his head back, hard, until the pain made him tense the muscles in his neck to resist
the pressure. She put the Agiel against his throat. "Stop fighting me, or I won't take it away."

Blood was running into his mouth; he relaxed his neck muscles, allowing her to pull as hard as she
wanted.

"Now, my pet, listen very carefully. I'm going to put the Agiel in your right ear." Richard almost choked
with fear. She jerked his head back to make him stop it. "It's different from putting it anywhere else. It
hurts a lot more. But you must do exactly as I say." Her mouth was right by his ear; she whispered to him
like a lover. "In the past, when I have had a sister Mord-Sith with me, we would both put our Agiel in the
man's ears at the same time. He would make a scream unlike any other. The sound of it is intoxicating. I
get chills just thinking about it."

Quote
Denna seemed to be in the grip of something he didn't understand, as if she were trying to summon the
courage to do something, fearing it, yet anxiously wanting it. Her breathing was quickening, her chest
heaving, as she looked into his eyes. Incredulous, he saw something the ugliness of her cruelty had never
let him see before: she was attractive. Breathtakingly, stunningly, attractive. He thought he must be losing
his mind.

Shocked, and strangely worried, Richard watched as she slowly put the Agiel between her teeth. He
could tell by the way her pupils suddenly expanded that it was hurting her. Her skin paled. She inhaled
sharply, trembling the slightest bit. Denna put her fingers into the back of his hair and held his head.
Slowly she brought her lips to his. She kissed him deeply, passionately, sharing the shattering pain of the
Agiel with him. With her tongue, she held it between their tips. Her kiss was savage, bestial, as she
twisted against him.

Every fiber of his being burned with the torture. His gasp sucked the air from her lungs, hers did the
same to him. -He could get no breath but hers, she none but his. The pain made him forget everything but
her. It marauded through his mind. He knew by the sounds she was making that she was feeling the same
agony as he. Her fingers in his hair tightened into fists from the pain. She moaned in suffering. Her
muscles tightened with it. It raged through the both of them.

Without comprehending why, he found himself kissing her back just as passionately, just as savagely.
The pain was altering his perception of everything. He had never kissed anyone with this kind of lust.
Desperately, he wanted her to stop. Desperately, he didn't.

Quote
The frown and the smile returned. "Why would you be so foolish as to do what you did? Surely, you
must know I will hurt you for doing it."

He looked at her puzzlement for a moment. "Mistress Denna, what difference does it make? You are
going to hurt me anyway. I can't imagine what more you could do to me."

Her lip curled in a sneer. "Oh, my love, you have a very limited imagination."

He felt her grab the tongue of his belt and yank the buckle open.

She gritted her teeth. "It is time we found some new places on you to hurt. It is time to see what you are really made of." The look in her eyes made him go cold. "Thank you, my love, for giving me the excuse to
do this to you. I have never before done it to another, but it has been done to me enough times. It is what
broke me when I was fourteen. Tonight," she whispered, "neither of us is going to get any sleep."


As an 18 yr old high schooler, I bought that first book. But I never got to that stuff. Tell you what, I'll be watching that show tonight. I'll be watching it.
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milly balgeary
Registered user

Posts: 11512


« Reply #515 on: Apr 15, 2011, 08:33:30 PM »

I'LL BE WATCHING IT GOOD
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coldforge
Registered user

Posts: 11924


« Reply #516 on: Apr 15, 2011, 09:24:33 PM »

Man, how can anyone read that and not think, 'A pathetic nerd wrote this.'?
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l'era del terzo mondo.
milly balgeary
Registered user

Posts: 11512


« Reply #517 on: Apr 15, 2011, 11:35:17 PM »

man, I'm loving this show. I always ignored it because I was like, hah...but ....it's splendid dumb shit fun.

Gars, bloodflies...what?...

The red leather chick is what did it for me, I gotta watch it for HER.

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jebreject
Registered user

Posts: 27071


« Reply #518 on: Apr 15, 2011, 11:57:06 PM »

I can't believe I forced myself to read all of those
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elpollodiablo
Registered user

Posts: 32624


« Reply #519 on: Apr 16, 2011, 12:23:44 AM »

The main idea is that the dildo can hurt you, in the butt especially
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Greg Nog
Registered user

Posts: 21629


« Reply #520 on: Apr 16, 2011, 12:29:04 AM »

I think I always missed the fact that the dildos actually injure the flesh; I thought they'd just caused pain.  Is there any magical way to heal all those wounds?  Or is the victim just fucked up for a while?
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coldforge
Registered user

Posts: 11924


« Reply #521 on: Apr 16, 2011, 12:37:52 AM »

What is this, role-play research?
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l'era del terzo mondo.
Thermofusion
Registered user

Posts: 10000


« Reply #522 on: Apr 16, 2011, 12:41:22 AM »

Greg, you're thinking of magical healing dildos. We're talking about magical torture dildos.
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Greg Nog
Registered user

Posts: 21629


« Reply #523 on: Apr 16, 2011, 11:10:24 AM »

It just seems strange for a fantasy novel to permanently fuck up a protagonist's anus.  Like, how is he gonna run around and fight dragons after that, minus some magical healing of some kind? 

Dwarf: We MUST destroy the castle keep, for ONLY THEN may we pass into the LAND BEYOND.

Hero: I'd love to, but I can't really walk anymore, due to the massive festering soup of raw flesh and cracked bone that's where my anus used to be.

Dwarf: That really fucked you up?

Hero: Well, just gently pressing the torture dildo against a guy's side for a moment makes ribs crack; a prolonged application of it to the inside of the anus is going to have permanently crippling effects, you dig?

Dwarf: Hm.
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Greg Nog
Registered user

Posts: 21629


« Reply #524 on: Apr 16, 2011, 11:10:54 AM »

oh cool, that's a page break right there
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