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658126 Posts in 9262 Topics by 3396 Members Latest Member: - vlozan86 Most online today: 44 - most online ever: 494 (Jul 01, 2007, 02:59:53 PM)
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Author Topic: The quotable LPTJ  (Read 147019 times)
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RoyBiggins
Registered user

Posts: 6506


« Reply #1625 on: Aug 28, 2006, 12:53:14 PM »

Quote
Actually, you guys might not know, but "My Pony The Asshole" was a working title for the second Jeff Buckley album.


I put that in quotes, so it'd look like we're actually in the quotable thread again on this page.
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This year's Village Voice Jizz and Pap list had a whole lot of birds I'd never even heard of before.
elpollodiablo
Registered user

Posts: 32624


« Reply #1626 on: Aug 28, 2006, 01:01:30 PM »

So this guy's drinking at a bar on the 18th floor of a downtown hotel. Nerdy guy walks in, sits down beside him, and orders six tequila sours, pounds them down. The first guy is watching the nerdy one drink steadily for about an hour. Eventually the nerdy guy points to the nearby open window, says, "I'll bet you fifty bucks I can jump out that window and not get hurt." First guy says, "Buddy, you're drunk. No one can jump out that window and walk away from it." Nerdy guy goes, "You think so? Go have a look out there." First guy glances out the window. Straight drop to the pavement, no net, no scaffold, nothing. Turns to the nerdy guy, says, "Buddy, if you're going to kill yourself, leave your money on the table." Nerdy guy leaves fifty dollars on the table, gets a running start and jumps out the window. The first guy and the barman watch him float down to the street and land lightly on the pavement. Five minuets later, the nerdy guy is back at the bar, drinking again. First guy asks the nerdy guy how in the hell. Nerdy guy says, "Just catch an updraft man, it's easy. Just have to know when to jump." He offers the first guy a chance to win his money back. "Same deal," says the nerdy guy. "I jump. If I land alright, we double up. Sound good?" First guy says, what the hell, why not. Nerdy guy gets another running start, jumps again. This time he hangs in midair for a few moments, his hairs blowing back. "UPDRAFT!" he screams, and proceeds to glide gracefully downward. Five minutes later, he's back in the bar. First guy finishes his drink, sidles up to the window, says, "Lemme try that." He leaps out, and ten seconds later there's an audible crunch. Barman looks at the nerdy guy, says, "Superman, you're a fucking asshole when you're drinking."
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think 'on the road.'
gibber
Registered user

Posts: 466


« Reply #1627 on: Aug 28, 2006, 01:03:57 PM »

huh?
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shhh, it's me.
das kranke Tier
Registered user

Posts: 5894


« Reply #1628 on: Aug 28, 2006, 02:50:44 PM »

Quote from: "mackro"

If he makes even that difficult for you, then pee in his butt and DTMFA.
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Compendious as hell
SPACERACE
Registered user

Posts: 12155


« Reply #1629 on: Aug 28, 2006, 03:38:47 PM »

Quote from: "Greg Nog"
Oh, Holy God!  Calvin and Hobbes Rarities!  I feel like an indie kid in a Jeff Mangum store!
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Supplier of highest-quality synthetic duck butter
andronicus
Registered user

Posts: 6515


« Reply #1630 on: Aug 28, 2006, 05:05:46 PM »

Quote from: "Chillest Waffle"
i get where reese boi is coming from but reese the more you say 'fuck' the more people are going to decide not to listen to you and  just write you off as tempermental.  calm it down captain.
I know who you are.

And what you did last summer.

and you are, but what am I.
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girl
Registered user

Posts: 9144


« Reply #1631 on: Aug 28, 2006, 11:19:26 PM »

Quote from: "theartlessmonster"
its...ah..how do you say that hot internet thing, hoott13, whatever, its that it's a hot 13.
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this is a story and you're not in it
das kranke Tier
Registered user

Posts: 5894


« Reply #1632 on: Aug 29, 2006, 08:30:33 AM »

Quote from: "dumbfish"

  Serious monkey time.
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Compendious as hell
heather marie
Registered user

Posts: 5753


« Reply #1633 on: Aug 31, 2006, 11:10:53 AM »

Quote from: "Greg Nog"
At the bar last night, I was hanging out outside, chatting with a cute girl.  Eventually, it led to a certain someone leaning in close to me, staring into my eyes, and breathily telling me, "Give me some sugar."

Unfortunately, that certain someone was the crazy homeless man who interrupted me and the girl's conversation.




Greg wins at EVERYTHING.
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Bernard
Registered user

Posts: 9845


« Reply #1634 on: Aug 31, 2006, 01:05:01 PM »

Andrew puts in a spirited defense of Scotland:

Quote from: "Andrew_TSKS"
they gave us the jesus and mary chain, teenage fanclub, and creation records! golf and calvinism were a long time ago!
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Ha, see, and look how Julian Casablancas ended up!!!!
RoyBiggins
Registered user

Posts: 6506


« Reply #1635 on: Sep 01, 2006, 03:49:39 PM »

Re: the new Joanna Newsom record:

Quote from: "the eyepatch guy"
Quote from: "KJ"
How do you pronounce this album title? Is it like 'whys' or is 'Ys' to 'Yes' what 'Yr' is to 'Your'?


It's pronounced "ees" apprently. I believe that's Elvish for "I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass."
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This year's Village Voice Jizz and Pap list had a whole lot of birds I'd never even heard of before.
Anne the Man
Registered user

Posts: 4444


« Reply #1636 on: Sep 01, 2006, 11:32:03 PM »

Quote from: "Bernard"
Don't worry about it. Not a big deal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQXiew-DQH4

Have a video.


I only just got round to watching that. It's great
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Hey jerks, mind if I watch you jerks do your jerk-bending?
Bernard
Registered user

Posts: 9845


« Reply #1637 on: Sep 02, 2006, 12:48:42 AM »

Whenever I blow dry my hair I think of that guy.
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Ha, see, and look how Julian Casablancas ended up!!!!
swilkes
Registered user

Posts: 1032


« Reply #1638 on: Sep 02, 2006, 01:22:26 AM »

Quote from: "lucky strike"
i hear grilled zucchini is off the chain, but i've never experienced it first-hand.


I don't know why, but this made me giggle.
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Greg Nog
Registered user

Posts: 21629


« Reply #1639 on: Sep 02, 2006, 09:08:04 AM »

Quote from: "milly balgeary, addressing theartlessmonster,"
Lookin' good, Deer In The Headlights.
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jebreject
Registered user

Posts: 27071


« Reply #1640 on: Sep 02, 2006, 09:45:58 PM »

Quote from: "Bernard"
You know, jordanmichael, you have a point.
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I'm not racist, I've got lots of black Facebook friends.
milly balgeary
Registered user

Posts: 11512


« Reply #1641 on: Sep 02, 2006, 11:14:21 PM »



Heathermarie re: Beyonce looking angry and hungry at the 2006 VMAs


Quote
Cause homegirl is like, "Jay-z! Give me the McD's, yo!"
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das kranke Tier
Registered user

Posts: 5894


« Reply #1642 on: Sep 03, 2006, 04:22:09 PM »

Quote from: "heather marie"
Runnin' through cities to save some titties!



 Shifty
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Compendious as hell
silentsigh89
Registered user

Posts: 3073


« Reply #1643 on: Sep 04, 2006, 12:15:14 AM »

Quote from: "milly balgeary"
I loved it. They're replaying it, I'm watching it again. It's just good in that human way that makes a person approve. Plus, i want to marry Collette. She's got moxy. GIR-L. WHY DON'T YOU LAY DOWN AND TAKE THEM CLOTHES OFF, GIR-L. ON THAT BED, IN THEM SHEETS, WITHOUT THEM CLOSES, YOU RESEMBLE LITTLE BO PEE-P.


I feel like this was a new level of creepiness for LPTJ.


and it made my night.
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El_Josharino
Registered user

Posts: 7483


« Reply #1644 on: Sep 04, 2006, 02:04:58 PM »

Reasons I love me some Devil Chicken:

Quote from: "elpollodiablo"
Dear Greg and alex,
Stop with this wink-wink nudge-nudge half-conversation shit or I will drag my convalescent ass up to Brooklyn to knock your damn heads together.
Love,
M


Quote from: "elpollodiablo"
Too late, fool. You get that whack ass little apple key and nothing more.
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Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?
alistarr*
Registered user

Posts: 8129


« Reply #1645 on: Sep 05, 2006, 06:44:44 AM »

i am assuming that the nog made this himself (with a little help), and am submitting it as the third best graphic ever to appear on LPTJ.

Quote from: "Greg Nog"
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lastbubble
Registered user

Posts: 227


« Reply #1646 on: Sep 05, 2006, 02:34:18 PM »

probably don't have the requisite post total to add to this thread, but fuckit my eyes are still watering after reading elpollo's post:

Quote from: "reeseboisse"
there is a girl i have been madly in love with for three or four years here, at my house, 2000 miles from her home, having come just to see me

and she's sleeping on my couch.


not sure how i feel about that, but neutral is probably wrong.

Quote from: "Greg Nog"
Whoa. That's quite a situation.


Quote from: "hannah"
yikes


Quote from: "El_Josharino"
umm... Hit that shit?


Quote from: "elpollodiablo"
SMELL HER HAIR
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Writhe in a cage of torment, my friend!
jebreject
Registered user

Posts: 27071


« Reply #1647 on: Sep 05, 2006, 07:09:07 PM »

Quote from: "Illest Waffle"
A great thread idea would be you running away and then taking photos of your travels along the Mississippi. However, knowing you, you'd probably take a bike ride around the block and use the opportunity to take pictures of your camwhore friends and drop names. Thanks for nothing Heathcote.
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I'm not racist, I've got lots of black Facebook friends.
Sing The Children Over
Registered user

Posts: 1210


« Reply #1648 on: Sep 05, 2006, 07:30:09 PM »

Quote from: "lastbubble"

Quote from: "reeseboisse"
there is a girl i have been madly in love with for three or four years here, at my house, 2000 miles from her home, having come just to see me

and she's sleeping on my couch.


not sure how i feel about that, but neutral is probably wrong.

Quote from: "Greg Nog"
Whoa. That's quite a situation.


Quote from: "hannah"
yikes


Quote from: "El_Josharino"
umm... Hit that shit?


Quote from: "elpollodiablo"
SMELL HER HAIR


Sorry, but I laughed so hard it's worth quoting again.
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The almighty dollar it ain't what it used to be.
girl
Registered user

Posts: 9144


« Reply #1649 on: Sep 07, 2006, 12:58:14 AM »

Quote from: "FreddyKnuckles"
just today at work my supervisor was like "man, I don't think John Lennon would have been cool with his songs being played at starbucks" and I was like, "dawg, the beatles are the starbucks of rock and roll"
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this is a story and you're not in it
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