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657797 Posts in 9259 Topics by 3396 Members Latest Member: - vlozan86 Most online today: 75 - most online ever: 494 (Jul 01, 2007, 02:59:53 PM)
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Author Topic: more uncertainty: the crisis continues  (Read 51500 times)
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Anne the Man
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« Reply #325 on: Dec 14, 2007, 05:42:03 AM »

I had my last day of school ever today. It feels very strange and aimless.
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Good Intentions
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« Reply #326 on: Dec 14, 2007, 06:21:10 AM »

That's how I felt about mine as well.
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Anne the Man
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« Reply #327 on: Dec 14, 2007, 06:54:26 AM »

I don't think I want to be back there though, which is good. But it's weird not seeing the building again, and I meant to go round it once more but didn't oh dear...
(5 hours sleep last night. It is now 12.30. Why am I here)

I'm also giving up piano after 10 years of learning from a rad-lady on Sunday when I have me final concert. She gave me a whole book of Chopin nocturnes, which was awesome. I'm comparatively good at Chopin.
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bethany_m
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Posts: 140


« Reply #328 on: Dec 14, 2007, 12:46:31 PM »

Doctors appt. on Monday.  Follow up for some persistent bad stuff I've got going on.  Uncertain and anxious...
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das kranke Tier
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« Reply #329 on: Dec 14, 2007, 12:47:08 PM »

oooh, best of luck, Bethany!
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Compendious as hell
Aglaya
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« Reply #330 on: Dec 15, 2007, 03:50:04 PM »

Absolutely everything in my life is up in the air right now, and i have no idea where the pieces are going to fall.
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Anne the Man
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« Reply #331 on: Dec 16, 2007, 07:34:10 AM »

Drama!

Hope they recollect in recognisable form soon.
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heather marie
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« Reply #332 on: Dec 16, 2007, 09:06:43 AM »

I don't know how I'm getting to work today. I also don't know why I'm even going to work today, considering I was up at 4am puking my guts out. Ugh, the crisis surely does continue.
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YojimboMonkey
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« Reply #333 on: Dec 16, 2007, 09:36:49 AM »

Sad  Wow I hope that doesn't have anything to do with your Christmas present Sad
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heather marie
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« Reply #334 on: Dec 16, 2007, 01:07:30 PM »

Nooo it doesn't, I only took a sip last night. It was more about eating really bad pizza at work, I think. And also stress, maybe. I am looking forward to feeling better so I can enjoy more of the present because it is so damn good.
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jebreject
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« Reply #335 on: Dec 17, 2007, 01:10:58 AM »

you guys have been using protection right.
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diesel_powered
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Posts: 19210


« Reply #336 on: Dec 17, 2007, 02:30:15 AM »

So maybe I should be posting this in the MHC, but I think I'm going to have to break a girl's heart tomorrow.

Basically, here's the poop:

We have been flirting for pretty much the entire year. She has a boyfriend, but there's no harm in a little innocent flirting among friends, right? She's cute and funny and both of our senses of humor work well together. Well, we went to Miami together and after a few drinks we ended up kissing, against my better judgment. I told her that was the only thing that could happen since cheating with people isn't how I roll and that it was nice, but it probably shouldn't happen again. I mean... if she's willing to cheat on her boyfriend with me, where does that put me in the grand scheme of things? If she's not willing to take her existing relationship seriously, how soon will it be before she's cheating on me? Furthermore, I've met her boyfriend and he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve that. And honestly, I wasn't so sure how I felt about the whole incident to begin with because the more I reject her, the more she pursues me. Every time I've tried to concretely lay down the boundaries of our relationship, she's laughed them off. So while I was attracted to her at one point, the fact that she's so uncommitted to her current relationship combined with the fact that she isn't respecting my wishes to just be friends is doing a bang up job of killing off whatever attraction I had. Now, whenever she comes on to me it just feels like she wants to use me for sex and that doesn't particularly make me feel like a good person. Furthermore, I resent the fact that she feels like her parading her ass around me is going to somehow melt whatever will I may have.

In addition to that, she's got this personal and project-related thing about getting secrets from people. So Friday, she cornered me during critique as part of her project and asked me for a secret and I couldn't think of one. So I spent all day thinking of a big secret for her. I'm not sure what I was thinking, maybe that if I threw her a bone she'd ease up a little? So later that night after she had been drinking, she cornered me again and in the middle of sexually harassing me demanded this secret that I'd been thinking of and debating on telling her all day. So I told her about this major crush I have on a boy in our department. And I mean, he's straight and it's a meaningless crush that isn't going anywhere, but it took a little time to decide whether I should trust her enough to reveal that. And it was probably me subconsciously trying to get her off my ass anyway. So I tell her this, and it's a little hard for me, and she tells me it's not good enough. The secret I spent all day thinking of and worrying about is apparently not good enough for her. What did she expect? That I would confess my undying love for her and that we'd ride off into the sunset together? I've been spurning her advances ever since the night we made out (which was a huuuuuuuuuge mistake on my part, but you don't know how long it's been since I've kissed somebody let alone gotten laid, cut me some fucking slack here.) That doesn't mean I'm endlessly in love with her and just don't know how to express it. THAT MEANS I'M NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE.

Line of the night:

Me: "You kind of hate me a little, don't you?"
Her: "Yeah, I kinda do."
Me: "Is it because I don't give you what you want?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "And you should get what you want all the time?"
Her: "Yeah."
Me: "It's okay, I kinda hate you a little too."

So I'm going to run into her tomorrow, no doubt at work, and I'm going to have to tell her how I feel and hope she doesn't go crazy. I'm going to have to tell her that I was really into her for awhile, but didn't want to help her cheat on her boyfriend. I'm going to have to tell her that every time she didn't respect the boundaries I was trying to create, I was less attracted to her. I'm going to have to tell her that every time she made fun of "my principles", I liked her less. And I'm going to have to tell her that when I opened up to her and she threw it back at me, I felt hurt. And now I don't feel like hanging around her. And she's going to apologize and maybe she'll cry, and I'm not sure where to go after that. I'm mostly worried about her doing crazy shit like all the other women I've rejected before, I'm not particularly deeply hurt by this whole situation since I'm really the one with the power here. But I'm not sure how to respond if she does try to apologize because on one hand, I don't really wish any specific ill on her, but on the other, I don't really feel like pretending like her behavior is okay anymore. Because it's not okay. If I was doing this to her, I would have had a restraining order slapped on me in a heartbeat. So I'm not sure where to go with this, but I guess that's why I'm uncertain and tomorrow will tell.
« Last Edit: Dec 17, 2007, 02:32:13 AM by diesel_powered » Logged

Quote
she had me at "let's make a sandwich"
Good Intentions
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« Reply #337 on: Dec 17, 2007, 03:23:06 AM »


Drama! Drama! Drama!

For whatever it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. If anything, you can hold back some of finer points of explanation. You're brushing her off exactly because you're not going to stand her putting you under inquisition, it seems to me.
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Andrew_TSKS
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Posts: 39426


« Reply #338 on: Dec 17, 2007, 03:34:19 AM »

well, mike, i think there are ways to handle this situation that are diplomatic and ways that will just be mean, and i think you are a smart, tuned-in dude who will be able to handle things in the former manner rather than the latter. if you do that and she still cries and gets upset, well, you haven't done anything wrong. it sounds like she's got some things to learn about what is appropriate behavior in relationships of any kind (friend or otherwise), and if nothing else, this will hopefully teach her to respect the feelings and boundaries of people she likes, even if they differ from her own.

so yeah, i don't think you should feel uncertain. you're doing the right thing, not only for you but for her.
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santaclaustral
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« Reply #339 on: Dec 17, 2007, 07:37:30 AM »

You shouldn't feel uncertain about anything, Mike - you're doing the right thing.

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diesel_powered
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« Reply #340 on: Dec 17, 2007, 11:03:49 AM »

Thanks guys.  Much Love
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Quote
she had me at "let's make a sandwich"
dumbfish
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« Reply #341 on: Dec 17, 2007, 11:14:00 AM »

Diesel, she's trying to manipulate you, and you know this. Stay the course, and find someone worthy of your talents.
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andronicus
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« Reply #342 on: Dec 17, 2007, 03:39:30 PM »

you guys have been using protection right.
Daddy always said the only protection I'd ever need was a .45
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Trousers and Pat
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« Reply #343 on: Dec 17, 2007, 06:03:57 PM »

... but mama said the pistol is the devil's right hand
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Anne the Man
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« Reply #344 on: Dec 17, 2007, 06:50:11 PM »

Good luck Mike, you're doing the right thing.
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morgan
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« Reply #345 on: Dec 17, 2007, 07:00:43 PM »

Yeah Mike, I'm just going to echo everyone else's sentiments, here.  She doesn't sound like she is worthy of your awesomeness, and she needs someone to let her know that she's not always going to get away with acting like that. 

I feel bad for her boyfriend, too.
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girl
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« Reply #346 on: Dec 17, 2007, 10:21:06 PM »

This is me saying "me too". You're right that you don't need her in your life at all, and I'm sorry you have to go through this, but good luck.
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das kranke Tier
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Posts: 5894


« Reply #347 on: Dec 19, 2007, 09:11:00 AM »

Well, I was out sick (again) yesterday....I returned this morning to get an email from one of my bosses saying that he would like a meeting with me when I get back in.  I fear that the meeting will not be to discuss my exemplary performance as of late...

So...this could very well the last time I get to talk to you all for a while, as no job = no internet access.

I also found out yesterday that my best friend from school (the only person that I talk to really) is transferring...

What a month it's turning out to be...

Hope you all have a nice holiday if I don't get to talk to you!
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bethany_m
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Posts: 140


« Reply #348 on: Dec 19, 2007, 09:18:50 AM »

Awww, Heart, dkt

Good Luck!
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santaclaustral
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Posts: 400


« Reply #349 on: Dec 19, 2007, 09:21:27 AM »

Oh Dennis... much love... whatever happens I hope you get some rest over the holidays  Much Love

Far less dramatically uncertain but... I have been having courteous but slightly miffed correspondence with an Amazon Marketplace seller who advertised a book I wanted, described their store as "all products ship from USA via Airmail" and failed to say that, for European customers, they would ship the book via surface mail (up to 3-month wait vs a 2-week airmail wait).

They immediately offered a refund on the condition that I would return the book to them when it arrived.

I replied to say that the problem was time, not money, and I felt they'd deliberately misrepresented their product, since I was buying not only a book but a prompt delivery service from them.

I said that I wasn't after financial compensation and was happy to cut my losses and wait for the book (especially given that it'd cost me an hour waiting in the post office to return it to them), but that I didn't think it right that they continued to mislead other European customers. Therefore, if they would change their store description to specify that all products to Europe ship via surface mail, I would be happy to leave the matter there. Otherwise I'd take it up with Amazon and, if necessary, the trading standards people.

Now they've replied to say "we've given you a full refund and please keep the book with our apologies."

But they've not changed their store description.

So do I take it up with Amazon or do I leave the matter there? On the one hand, I don't want to be an asshole about it. On the other hand, they're using false descriptions to undercut the competition, which might include nice book stores who feel that you shouldn't have to wait 3 months to read a goddamn book.

Uncertain.

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