LPTJ: Kult ov Azazel! It is a total honor to be sittin' here on the loading dock of the Three Stars Lounge with you guys. Why don't you start by introducing yourselves to our readers?

Xul: Sure, thanks. I'm Xul, I play bass and sing the lyrics that I write.
Xaphan: My name's Xapahn, I play the guitar and sing my own lyrics.
Xul: Right now we don't have a permanent drummer but Gus Rios is our man
right now.
Gus: Hey, how's it goin'?

LPTJ: Great, thanks! So your new album is called Triumph of Fire —

Xul: Triumph of Fire, yeah. Not the most boundary-breaking title, I know, but there are genre limitations, you know what I mean?
Xaphan: Also, Like a Virgin was taken. [laughs]
Xul: Yeah, ditto Get Rich or Die Tryin'. [laughs]

LPTJ: That actually brings up something I wanted to ask. Are you guys able to make a living at this, or do you work day jobs?

Xaphan: Dude, that is so not a good question to ask a black metal band.
Xul [laughing]: It's like, "Did you have a good Thanksgiving?"
Xaphan: Because even though I know for a fact we both had killer Thanksgivings with our families it'd be kind of alienating to the fans to talk about it.
Xul[laughing]: "My mom makes the most kult cranberry sauce. Hails to my mom!"

LPTJ: But you don't, right? Presumably you're not selling enough records to —

Xul [in fake hybrid Norse/German accent]: "Oh, ve don't care about saless. Ve hate it when people buy our CDs, really. Our only true fans are those who neither buy our records nor come to our shows. The fan who completely ignores you, this is the most discerning and elite fan of zem all."
Gus: They're always bummed out when people show up at the shows. Once they docked my pay because I was having too much fun playing the drums.
Xaphan [picking up accent]: "Yes, because his stupid smiling face reminded us of Easter morning in church ven ve were only small warriors. We preferred the black Easter eggs, but they only gave us the blue ones. This was the beginning of our allegiance to the dark side."

LPTJ: You guys are making it sound like you don't take black metal very seriously.

Xaphan: No, fuck that. Of course we take it seriously, I mean you've heard the record, you know how dedicated we are to this shit. It's just —
Xul: —it's like how many times do people want to talk about the "scene" this, the "scene" that, or fuckin' nationalist politics—
Xaphan: —fuckin', politics period.
Xul: When everything anybody needs to know about us is very obviously right there in the album, and everybody's about to decide they hate us now anyway because we've made a whole album instead of just a demo.
Xaphan: Yeah, it's actually loud and clear, we must suck now. [laughs]
Xul: But Xaphan's right. We're as serious as shit about this shit. It's in our fucking blood. We love what we do, and we think we're badasses at it. But why should we make ourselves sound like crushing fucking bores in interviews because of it?

LPTJ: We don't usually do interviews and we're not very good at them, sorry about that.

Xaphan: It's not you, it's the whole band-interview concept. Theory-of-the-auteur crap.
Xul: You're ripping that off from JB.
Xaphan: No, the guy who's putting words in our mouths is ripping that off from JB.
Xul: You're right. This is kinda bullshit, huh?
Xaphan: Yeah. Did you have a question?

LPTJ: Sure, yeah, I mean, I guess — I mean it's really the only question I ever have for anybody, which is kinda why I generally don't do interviews, but at the same time I think it's a good question and a real question: why do you guys play what you play? For you-all I guess it's an especially apt question because, one, you're one of the best black metal bands around, BUT, two, you don't seem to toe the party line.

Xul: I don't know, when you put it that way it makes me feel like I ought to at least pay tribute to the people who started this shit, you know, like by making an effort to use more polysyllabic words or maybe increasing the number of synonyms for "cold" to at least ten per interview.
Xaphan: 'Cause he's an Eskimo, you know.
Xul: Actually our next album is gonna be half BM and half Eskibeat.
Xaphan: "Treddin' on Necro Ice." [laughs] But yeah, the question. Obviously we fuckin' love black metal, and it changed our lives the first time we heard it - this kind of music isn't for everybody, and when you find out that it really is for you, it's a pretty intense moment.
Xul: Anybody who knows just how much money you have to fucking throw away just to make one song sound halfway decent would know that we are deeply committed to what we do.
Xaphan: Well, exactly! So why should we have to play-act, and waste our energy on cultivating any kind of a public image at all? Why must our public images have anything to do with the music, like, at all? My feeling is that if the music's good enough, fuck the public image.
Xul: [plays air-bass, sings in John Lydon voice] "The public im-aaaaa-ge!"

LPTJ: Do you think there are other bands who feel the same way?

Xul: Disingenuous, stupid question. "Other" bands. There isn't even one band who feels this way! There's just you, foisting your own ideal image of a black metal band onto us because you really liked our album.
Xaphan: And it made you uncomfortable, because you think so much black metal is a crock of shit.
Xul: So you invented this idealized image of your new favorite black metal band.
Xaphan: And then you forced it on your readers.
Xul: Dick.

LPTJ: Well! I see we're right about out of time. Any last words for our readers?

Xaphan: Yeah: Radiohead is boring!
Xul: So's indie rock!
Xaphan: Buy our record, it's much better than whatever weak-ass shit you're listening to now!
Xul: Until the left wing wholeheartedly embraces feminism as such, it's going to be a hollow shell of itself, not worthy even of the scorn we pour over its head!
Xaphan: Hey, Mr. Editor guy!

LPTJ: Yeah?

Xaphan: Your mom said to say "hi"! [general laughter until tape runs out]

[ back | home ]