And now you can un-click that "send mail to editor" button, because yes, I'm gonna bite the bullet and vote Kerry, even though he's a heartless multi-millionaire (like Bush) who supported the invasion of Iraq (like Bush) and who opposes the absolute, God-given right of my gay brothers and sisters to wed (as does Bush). Yes: I'm gonna vote for him with my right hand while I hold my nose against the stench with my left. I'm gonna do it because I think that there are going to be some retirements from the Supreme Court pretty soon, and I don't want to feel in any way responsible for any monkey business that might result from a Bush-appointed bench. I'm gonna do it because if I have to have a Christian running the country I'd rather it be a Papist, who'll at least have some sense of decorum, than a born-again, who believes that the last days are just around the corner. And I'm gonna do it because my longstanding attempt to get other candidates on the ballot has failed yet again.

In case you can't bear to vote for either of the rich mama's boys who've never worked an honest day in their lives, though — well, why not write in the name of somebody really fit to serve? Last Plane to Jakarta is proud to present the first of a quadrennial installment: our More Deserving Presidential Candidates list. Hey, you're welcome!