Liza Minelli: This is the #1 pick and should only be overlooked in the unlikely event that Ms. Minelli has in the past wronged you personally in some way. Reasons to vote Minelli are plentiful and bound by an iron-clad logic: one, she's Judy Garland's daughter, and I just saw I Could Go On Singing today and was reminded that Judy Garland is/was God Almighty, wherefore her daughter is Jesus, wherefore you gotta vote for her unless you are a black metal guy, which contingent I will be addressing shortly. Two, she will help America win back the sympathy of the civilized world. The French will love her because she stood strong against the Germans in Cabaret; the Germans will love her because they were in Cabaret, and so was she, which makes them friends. Finally, Schwarzenegger is a sissy celeb-politico. What flair he has stems from the scripts his agent bribed people into giving him, not from any inherent star quality. Liza could drink him under the table with one hand tied behind her back.