Jandek: As far as I'm concerned, Jandek is already president, so this one's kind of a moot point for me. Still. You can put your bloody mind in a paper bag and eat it for lunch, and you can still rock in America when you vote for the man from Houston. As an added bonus, he will have no vice president nor cabinet. No more buck-passing! No more buck, even! Among all the non-candidates, Janky is my sentimental favorite.