| Our general policy around the office is “if you feel obligated to talk about something because it seems too big to ignore, then you should probably just talk about heavy metal instead.” We feel that this policy would work wonders if let loose upon the world at large, and would change the face of cable television forever: imagine, say, that the bombs have started falling on Iraq or whichever other of our longtime bedmates has now been deemed unworthy of our affections. NightVision footage of the raids on Baghdad is playing on a screen behind the gigantic head of the insufferable Chris Matthews, who is raising his voice and becoming animated. And what is his theme? The perceived necessity of a ground war? The exact dollar figure that the U.S. gave Iraq year in and year out throughout Reagan’s presidency, even though their government then was indistinguishable from the one we’re now supposed to equate with that of the Third Reich? How shameful it is that people still go hungry every day in the wealthiest nation that’s ever existed in the whole history of the world? Animal rights, maybe? No: he’s talking about Nile. |