| Five Reasons
Why the Lawrence Album Is Good Even If You Don’t Dance 1. It’s easier to imagine a roomful of people looking willfully disaffected to it than it is to imagine a roomful of glowstick-chewing teenagers dancing to it 2. Any numbnuts with a pair of claves can make a clicking sound, but Lawrence’s clicking sounds make you wonder whether there isn’t actually somebody knocking at the door 2a. Any numbnuts with Fruity Loops and some decent mixing equipment can make a clicking noise that makes you wonder if there isn’t actually somebody knocking at the door, but only Lawrence causes you to drop the pretense of finding a decent descriptive simile and head for the porch to see if there isn’t actually somebody out there3. dance = good times Lawrence = bad vibes Lawrence’s dance music = the grooviest bad vibe I’ve heard since Cabaret Voltaire 4. 10.0 on the Airport Scale: the Lawrence album scores 10.0 on the Airport Scale, a very delicate device that measures the ability of a given instrumental record to make the listener feel as though he/she is walking briskly through an aiport in either Milan, Chicago, or Minsk, en route to a rather important appointment about which he/she feels strangely ambivalent 4a. Track 3 on the album in question might as well be an airport5. High incommunicado factor: there’s a little-discussed rule that states that the harder it is to explain what’s so great about an album, the greater that album actually is. Use of this rule to defend Michael Jackson’s Invincible has resulted in a general public suspicious to accept the rule’s validity, but Invincible will pass away, while northern German techno albums without credits or song titles will rule the world forever |