The charm of American Christianity is its willingness to bend Absolute
Truth to suit its own particular needs. Take the most commonly posited
afterlife scenario: you die, right, and then all of a sudden there
you are, a trifle disoriented but seemingly healthy and whole, smack
dab in the middle of a big-ass movie theater. Opinions vary as to
whether the decor inside the theater is plush & extravagant after
the fashion of, say, Graumann’s Chinese in Hollywood, or drab
and utilitarian in the deathless style of, for example, Cinema
Movie Theater in Grinnell, Iowa. Either way, the movie’s
the same: it’s This Was Your Life!, as the Jack T. Chick
tract would have it, chronicling your every single word, thought &
deed in glorious living color. You watch it, because that’s part
of the bargain (there’s no indication in the popular mythology
as to what would happen if you just went and hung out in the bathroom
smoking cigarettes the whole time), and once it’s over one of
two things happens: you get up and walk out into the lobby, where
you’re guided through a swinging door marked “Heaven,”
or, if it turned out that your movie wasn’t very good, a trap
door underneath your seat falls open and you drop down into the fiery
pit. |
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